You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
