I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
