You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
