fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
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