I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
