You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
