I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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