I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
