He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Randomize
