I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
