I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
