Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
my being single is dangerous.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Randomize
