What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
