does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
