if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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