We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize