Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
