i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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