it wasn't lemon gatorade
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
