I just made out with a guy for $7.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
