I'm so fucking centered right now
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
