If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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