Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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