i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You smell like stripper and shame
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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