shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
