i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
what day is it and did you see me today?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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