dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
