You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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