You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
