I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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