it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
