I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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