ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Are we still banned from the library?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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