my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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