So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I haven't been this sober since birth.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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