The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
