So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
