:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize