Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
There's always time for handjobs
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
