I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
