apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
