Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize