your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize