you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
