if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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