Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
