my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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