His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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