I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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