Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
