Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm always down for nudity.
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