shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize
