you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
