It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
