Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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