FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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