I'd wear matching sweaters with you
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
