i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
