I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
