i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize