last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
