He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
