my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
