I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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