We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
