my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
ok first of all what the fuck
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
