I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
