Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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