ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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