I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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