I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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