who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
