i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
