I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
