girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
