make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
