beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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