you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize