I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
one might say we're banned from that church
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
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