Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
