your room smells of hookers.
And success
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
