What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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