what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
