It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
