I look better un-naked...
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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