I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
