Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
