alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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