Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
