just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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