i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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