my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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