we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
