if you like me you must not know who I am
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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