It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
This is classic penis vs brain.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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