She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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