worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You have to summon your inner elephant
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
