If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
either way he was missing a nipple.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
