I cockslap morals
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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