I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
