You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
