I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
You can't special order awesome
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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