I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
