I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
