my phone needs a breathalizer
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
