I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
