I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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