i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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