names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
