We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
