First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
this will be a night to untag.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
