My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I just found a bag of teeth...
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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